Before I was strictly butter, I was yo pushhha man.
Last summer when working at Up Against the Wall in Adren Faire mall I would kill the slow morning opening shifts by making runs to starbucks to buy $3.75 venti coffee frappuccinos and write in my aptly titled "Im yo pusha man" blog spot. It's beyond me why I deleted it only to start strictly butter a few months later.
Alas here's something that I wrote about a year ago in it's original glory, untouched and revised from 9/05/07, I'm not sure I feel the same way anymore but It's interesting to see where I was, I think more or less, I'm a different person now.
"Ballerific like it's all terrific vs. maslow's hierarchy of needs:"
It has come to my attention that what has accumulated the over past two months of me working at “Up Against The Wall” is a increasingly consumer driven, self conscious, and materialistic version of myself. I am almost positive that continuous inane conversation about vacuous, empty topics, clothes, and shoes is detrimental to my character. The intellectual side of me has always been at war with the side of me that buys $172 Premium denim; clearly working in the equivalent of a high-end boutique to people who wear Nike Dunks has exacerbated the situation.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not completely spent, and I like my job, but it’s a slippery slope between spending my paychecks on 10 Deep when I have holes in my socks, and owning competition crushing limited edition “insert bougy street wear brand” x “edgy urban brand” tees, shoes, bejeweled hoodies, or whatever when I’m 20 something and have no car and live in my parents spare bedroom or have student loans to pay off.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is nothing wrong with liking nice things, and being up on fashion but consider at what cost you are doing so. I am going off to school very soon and I should be saving my money for books rather than spending it on clothes to look good. Having people compliment, and talk to me about my shoes and judge me solely on my looks and the superficial on a daily basis has consumed me. Now I’d desirably follow blogs about clothes than watch the news.
Referring to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs:
Having such things as a job, place to live, a future and essentially having your shit together are the base of what people need while Nike SBs and Gucci sunglasses fall under “Esteem Needs” towards the top of the pyramid.
It’s beyond me why I feel self conscious, double guess myself and inevitably strive to dress a certain way to impress people who just graduated with me and have nothing but, an on again off again liaison with community college and part time jobs in retail to look forward to into their mid-twenties.
Alas, sadly what now plagues me is not sequestered to me alone, but is more of pandemic affecting much of America’s youth culture.
Kanye got it right:
“I say fuck the police, thats how I treat em
We buy our way out of jail, but we can't buy freedom
We all buy a lot of clothes but we don't really need em
The things we buy to cover up what's inside
Cause they made us hate ourself and love they wealth
That's why shorties holler, "Where the ballers at?"
Drug dealers buy Jordans, crackheads buy crack
But the white man get paid off of all a dat
But I ain't even gonna act holier than thou
Cause fuck it, I went to Jacob with 25 thou
Before I had a house and I'd do it again
Cause I wanna be on 106 and Park pushing a Benz
I wanna act ballerific like it's all terrific
I got a couple past due bills, I won't get specific
I got a problem with spending before I get it
We all self conscious I'm just the first to admit it”